Explaining Myself

I've done a lot that could make people mistake me for some kind of western Buddhist. I let go of my possessions and attachments (what little there was of each to begin with), and hit the road to take time for myself. I even had someone suggest that I be a Buddhist monk the other day.

This is inaccurate, however, to characterize my actions as aligning me with a Buddhist outlook. I didn't reject possessions in their entirety, I appreciate the utility of a good tool, but rather I rejected the burden that meaningless possessions represented for me. I wanted to leave and everything I owned was holding me back. I did after all keep my laptop.

Rather than aligning myself with Buddhism at large, I see myself as being more epicurean than anything, although it might be said that I like finer foods than the actual Epicurus of Hellenic history. I like to live simply, but enjoy the things I do treasure. Good company, music, food, family these are all things I adore.

Buddhism rejects all attachments out-of-hand without really analyzing the risk/reward ratio involved in each. To my mind, the risk of the pain of having my laptop stolen is far outweighed by the utility it represents modulus efforts I take on my part to prevent theft. Buddhism rejects all pleasure and passion, where I embrace it tempered by a rational sense of proportion.

Passion is more or less the driving force in my life, whatever the objective may be. Without which, I would certainly not be the same person. Were it not for the desire to achieve nirvana, there would be little difference between the silence of death and the din of life in a perfectly buddhist life. I choose rather to embrace the outgrowth, noise, passion, and messiness of life wholeheartedly.

Rather than attempt to glide through life unscathed by the pains caused by attachments, passion, and simply caring, I want to be able to see scars. I want to be able to point to stories and see the storm and stress I endured. I want to be able to regale friends of old victories and funny anecdotes. I want to share my life with another person.

I just want to do it without being burdened like an ox with possessions for now.

I would make for a terrible buddhist.